cornergasfandomcom-20200213-history
Harvest Dance/Transcript
Lacey Burrows: Hey, you guys know anything about this Harvest Dance thing? Brent Leroy: Well, there's a harvest, uh, and then we have a dance. I'm not sure where we came up with the name. Wanda Dollard: It's symbolic, really. The year's toil is done, so we celebrate, with music, cheap booze, and a couple of pointless fistfights. Brent: Sometimes there's cake. Lacey: And it's this weekend? Wanda: Come on, Lacey. Don't tell me that you don't know about the Harvest Dance and that you don't fit in with the community. Lacey: No. Wanda: Good. Because it's gettin' a little old. Lacey: I didn't know about the Harvest Dance and I don't fit into the community. Brent: Listen, I wouldn't worry about Wanda, back there. She was just... Lacey: No, she's right. You know? I mope around trying to be part of the community and every time I screw it up somehow. Brent: All right. Do you want to be a part of something, something almost no one knows about, a little local conspiracy? Lacey: I wanna be in the know. Brent: As long as I can remember, my Mom has been making jelly salad. Lacey: Oh, wow. Brent: Wait, there's more. She thinks that Dad and I really like it. Lacey: Okay. Well, then, take care. Brent: Every every year, every year around this time my Dad and I have to one up each other to get out of eating it, all the while maintaining the charade that we actually do like it. Lacey: Really? Does anyone else know about this? Brent: I don't think so. It's pretty hush-hush. Lacey: Oh, great. I'm in. What do we do? Brent: Okay, here's the plan. We need... Lacey: What? I can't hear you. Brent: Oh, sorry. I said we need to trick my Mom. Karen Pelly: I deserve a raise, Davis. You always find money in the budget for other things like Emma and Oscar's wedding or taser guns, bikes. Davis Quinton: Those had a police application. Karen: Oscar and Emma's wedding had a police application? Davis: Oscar's one of our biggest customers. Hank Yarbo: Looks like fun. Heather: Holding a sign? Hank: Yeah, to have the power to make people... Heather: Stop? Hank: Well, I was thinking more proceed with caution. Heather: It would be good to have one of these in real life. Hank: So someone could walk up to ya and say, "What's your sign?" and... Heather: Or I was thinking more if someone was talking to you and you didn't want them to, then you just turn the sign and it says "Stop." Or if you want them to watch what they're saying, then you give them "Proceed with caution." Oops! Sorry! Oscar Leroy: What are you doin'? Emma Leroy: What I always do this time of year. Oscar: Jelly salad with the pineapple things and the banana chunks in it. Emma: Yeah. You and Brent go through it like crazy. Oscar: Yeah. Oh, I meant to tell you, I booked an appointment at the doctor's and I'm gettin' a flu shot. Emma: You're getting a flu shot, voluntarily? Oscar: Try to talk me out of it all you want, but I'm gettin' the flu shot. Hank: Ah, what's your name? Heather: Heather. Hank: Hey, both our names start with the letter H. Heather: Cool. Hank: Wow. There's something going on here bigger than the both of us. Karen: Hmm. Lacey: Hi, Karen. Why so glum? Karen: Davis won't give me a raise. I feel like I'm not moving forward. Lacey: Oh, I know exactly what you mean. I feel like I am never gonna fit in around here. I mean, yes, Brent tries to... Karen: Yeah, yeah, you want to be part of the community. Could we talk about my thing? Lacey: Oh, oh. Yeah. Wanda: So, what's the plan for this year's Operation Jelly Fib? Brent: Lacey and I have something worked out. Wanda: You're making a mistake. Lacey is a lousy fibber. Brent: Lacey's great at fibbing. Here, let me illustrate with the following examples. Lacey: Did you get enough sleep last night? You look brutal. Have you ever thought about gettin' a nose job? Oh, wow, your skull, it's enormous. Brent: She's always fibbin' like that. Wanda: Yeah. You have a tiny skull. Hank: So, uh, listen, uh, Heather. You know, there's this like, uh, dance comin' up and, um...is that for me? Heather: No. Hank: You want me to proceed with caution? Heather: No, I just have limited options with the sign. Hank: Oh, yeah. Thanks. Uh, yeah, so, uh, yeah, would you know, would you would you like to, uh, go to the Harvest Dance with me? Heather: Yeah, I'd, I'd love to. Hank: Really? Heather: Yeah. Brent: Hey, I heard Hank met a girl. Wanda: One he doesn't have to blow up? Oh, I shoulda saved that for when he was here. Brent: Yeah. Wanda: Will you set me up when he comes? Brent: Sure. What'd I say, he has a blow-up doll? Wanda: No, I said he has a blow-up... Lacey: Hey, can I talk to you for a second? Wanda: This isn't about your not fitting in, is it? Lacey: No. Although I don't fit in. Wanda: What do you want, a hug? Brent: You fit in plenty. You're a pillar of the community. Lacey: Aw. Hey, Paul, I'll have the usual. Paul: The usual what? Lacey: Yeah, I've made a real impression. Wanda: Don't judge by Paul. He phoned me the other day to ask what my phone number was. Lacey: Oh. Okay, Brent, I ran into Emma and I, uh oh, does Wanda know about the... Wanda: Jelly salad? Yeah. No, uh, I just found out. What a bombshell! Lacey: Anyway, Brent, I don't think I can keep it secret from your Mom. Brent: Lacey, you can't duck out now, you... Hank: Hey everyone, this is my date for the Harvest Dance, Heather. Heather, this is Brent, my best friend. Heather: Oh. You're the one who doesn't like his Mom's jelly salad. Brent: Yeah. Heather: That reminds me. Um, I have to call my parents. Hank: Oh. Where do they live? Heather: Wullerton. Emma: Hey, you guys, did ya hear? Hank's going out with a girl from Wullerton. Davis: Someone from here going out with someone from there? That's a tough road to hoe. Emma: How does anyone hoe a road? Karen: The expression is row to hoe. Davis: Hank is an idiot. Emma: Wait. Here he comes. Okay, he's here. Now go ahead. Davis: Hank is an idiot for going out with a girl from Wullerton. Karen: Can we talk about something else? I'm running out of spit. Hank: Hey, Wanda, I need your advice. Wanda: Oh, well, go back in time and every single decision you made, do the opposite. Or was there something specific? Hank: What should I do about Heather? Wanda: She seems sweet. Too bad you have to dump her. Hank: Ah, boy, this is gonna hurt. Wanda: Hank, I was kidding. You don't have to dump her. Hank: Oh, heh-heh, more of that trademark Wanda sarcasm, eh? Yeah, you're right, I'm going to have to dump her. Wanda: Don't dump her. There's no reason why the two of you can't overcome the fact that she's from Wullerton. Maybe train yourself not to do that spitting thing. Oscar: Bad news, Emma. When I went to the doctor for my flu shot, he said I have a high sugar count. So I can't have any of your jellied salad. No sweets! Emma: Oh, Oscar. That's too bad. Oscar: More for Brent, though. I wouldn't make any less jelly salad or anything. He'll eat more. Emma: Yeah. Good news for him. Oscar: Good news, all right. Heather: Well, I'll see ya later, Hank. Hank: Yeah, bye. Listen, I'm really glad I met ya. Heather: That's nice. Bye. Hank: Okay, bye-bye. I gotta dump her. Lacey: What? Why? Hank: Look, I've spent my life building a certain reputation in this town. Lacey: People aren't going to think less of you. Actually, it's a mathematical impossibility. Hank: Well, that's real nice of you to say. But, I came to see you because you know what it's like to be dumped and maybe you can give me advice. Lacey: I am not giving you advice on how to dump Heather. And anyways, why do I know what it's like to be dumped? Hank: Well, that Toronto guy dumped ya and then Brent gave ya the boot. You know how to roll with getting dumped. Lacey: Brent didn't, we were, we were never even...oh, look, I am often the dumper, rarely the dumpee. Hank: You're right, Lacey. I should get her to dump me. Lacey: No, that's not what I meant. Hank: Sure, all right. You don't want to sell out a sister. I understand. But for the sake of argument, how should I act to get her to dump me? Lacey: Just be yourself. Emma: Bad news for Oscar, Brent. He went for his flu shot and the doctor said his blood sugar was too high. Oscar: But good news for you, because now you can eat all that delicious jelly salad. Brent: Hey, Dad, just out of curiosity, where do they give that shot nowadays? Oscar: Doctor's office. Brent: Where on the body? Oscar: The uh, well, I don't know the medical terminology. Brent: Arm? Oscar: If you knew, why did ya ask? Brent: Well, here's the thing, Dad. The doctor's office phoned here. They made a mistake on your test, said you could eat all the jelly salad you wanted. Isn't that right, Lacey? You, you heard the call. Lacey: That's right. They called. I answered the phone, at The Ruby, where the phone is. Oscar: They did not call. Brent: Maybe Mom should phone the doctor right now, verify this. Oscar: Never mind. I believe ya. Emma: Now the two of ya can enjoy my jelly salad. Brent: But I, I can't this year. Emma: Why not? Brent: Well, Lacey has me on this South Park, Atkins thingy. Emma: A special diet? Is it safe, Lacey? Lacey: No. Yes. I mean yes. Emma: That's great. Karen: I applied for a job at Wullerton. Lacey: What? Karen: I think I'm gonna get it. Don't tell anybody. Heather: What's wrong? You seem different than before. Hank: No, everything's good. Why, do you think somethin's bad? Do you feel like you wanna dump me? Heather: Huh? Davis: Hi. Heather: Hi there. Davis: I just want to let you know I'm okay with this. Heather: Okay with this? Davis: I've never been this close to one before. Heather: One what? Karen: Uh, highway worker. Let's go, Davis. Heather: That was strange. Ah, what was I saying? Hank: Oh, you were in the middle of dumpin' me. Go ahead. I can take it. Lacey: Can we have a word? Don't do this. You have found someone who likes you for you, which is beautiful and mind boggling. Don't let it slip away. Hank: You're right. Thank you. Heather: Was that your ex? Hank: Yeah. Jealous, can't move on. Wanda: How's Loose Lips? Brent: Lacey's fine. She's a rock. Lacey: I can't do this. We're lying to your Mom, Brent. That is just so wrong. Brent: But you said you wanted in on the conspiracy. Lacey: I didn't think it was gonna be like this, all fibbing and deceit. Wanda: You wanted more of an upfront and open conspiracy? Exactly. Lacey: Brent and Oscar don't like your jelly salad. Well, actually, they hate it. They've been fibbing to you for years. I thought you should know. Emma: Oh. So you thought it would be better if I knew that everyone thinks I'm a fool and that my salad tastes terrible? Yeah, it's lot better. Lacey: Well, good then. Brent: I can't believe you told Mom about the jelly salad. Wanda: How much of a heads up do you need? Lacey: I'm sorry. Oscar: She told Emma! Lacey: I'm sorry! Brent: Dad, calm down. Oscar: This is your fault, jackass. If you hadn't blown my doctor scheme. Brent: Oh, okay. Whoa, whoa. Let's remember the real villain here, Lacey. Oscar: We've gotta figure somethin' out. Come on. Lacey: I, I don't know what it is. I just don't fit in around here. Wanda: Oh, Lacey, it's not your fault. It's Brent's fault for trusting you. The lesson here is, that if a secret is harmless, just sit on it. You don't have to tell anyone. Lacey: Yeah. And if Karen wants to take a job in Wullerton, then she... Wanda: Karen's taking a job in Wullerton? Lacey, how can you just sit on this and not tell anyone? Lacey: Please don't oh, darn it! Davis: Is it true? Wanda said Lacey said you're leaving for a new job. Karen: Oh, Lacey. She can't keep her yap shut. Davis: Oh, wow could you?! Karen: Maybe I should just get outta here for a second and let you calm down. Davis: No, no, no, no. Please, please don't go. You're the first partner that hasn't quit in...ever. Karen: How about a 5% raise? Davis: Done. You really lowballed yourself. You coulda held out for 7%. Karen: 7% or I walk. Davis: Done. Karen: Thanks. Uh, but what about the budget? Davis: Ah, we'll figure somethin' out. Brent: I don't know what to do. Mom's probably really hurt right now. Oscar: You're not suggesting we tell her the truth? Brent: Don't be insane. No, what we need right now is a new and better fib, one that's plausible too. Mom's no rube. Brent: Say, Dad, I heard that Lacey's been spreading nonsense and tomfoolery. Oscar: I also heard about her nonsense and tomfoolery. Emma: Those are pretty strong words. You know, Lacey told me you didn't like my jelly salad. Oscar: Nonsense. Brent: Tomfoolery. You know, I bet I know what happened. You see, Lacey has this weird habit of adding don'ts. So when she said that we don't really like your jelly salad, she just added a don't. Oscar: I thought you said plausible. Brent: Well, maybe our next plan shouldn't be hatched after last call at the bar. Oscar: I'm going to call Davis and see if he can do something. Emma: Lacey and her tomfoolery. Dig in. Brent: Yum-yum. Oscar: Let me at it. Wanda: Hello? Lacey? Lacey: I'm cleaning the oven. Wanda: Come on, I'm taking you to the Harvest Dance. Lacey: No, I'm not going Wanda. I'm just gonna stay here and keep my nose out of other people's business. Wanda: No, no, no, no. You have to come to the dance. Uh, I can't say why. It's kind of a secret. Lacey: A secret? Okay. Oh, but I, I'm not dressed up. Wanda: It's a harvest dance, a buncha farmers covered in barley dust. Lacey: You're dressed up. Wanda: I wear this kinda stuff all the time. Heather: Hank, you have to tell me what's going on. Hank: It's not important. Heather: Tell me. Hank: The whole town hates you, that's all. Do you wanna get a drink? Heather: What? Why do they hate me? Hank: Uh, because of where you're from. Lacey: I know you are so sick of hearing this. But I don't fit in. Wanda: Right. Oscar: I still say you should arrest that Lacey. Davis: Oh, that reminds me, Oscar. From now on, every time you call us and it's not an emergency, you'll have to pay a fee of $10. Karen: In other words, every time you call us, it's $10. Oscar: You can't do that. I pay your salary. Davis: Actually, you'll be paying hers. Wanda: Ladies and Gentlemen, can I have your attention? May I introduce to you this year's Harvest Honey, Lacey Burrows! Lacey: What? I'm a Honey what? Oh! Wanda: Each year we have a Harvest Honey, sort of a Queen of the Harvest Dance thing. This year we selected you. Surprise! Lacey: Oh! Oh, Wanda, you coulda told me. Wanda: Well, that mighta kneecapped the surprise part. I had to keep you in the dark. That's why I've also been kinda acting rude lately. Lacey: Oh, yeah. Because that was so out of character. Oh, wow. Thank you so much, everybody. This makes me feel like I maybe I actually do fit in around here. But I think that there's someone that needs to fit in even more than I do, so I would like to give this, well, at least share it, with Heather. Heather: This is so nice of you, considering that I stole your boyfriend. Lacey: My what? Heather: And I still don't know what you people have against Gimli. Lacey: Gimli? You're from Gimli? I thought you were from that place that your parents live. Heather: No, I was born and raised in Gimli, Manitoba. My parents are just spending the summer in Wullerton. Wanda: I told everyone I'd get ya here tonight. Thanks for not making me a liar. Lacey: You're welcome, Wanda. And thank you for being so rude and deceitful. Wanda: Ah, not a problem. Emma: Hey. Lacey: Oh, hi, Emma. Listen, I'm so sorry about the jelly thing. I shoulda just been quiet. Emma: Oh, I've always known they hated my jelly salad. I just like to see them squirm. And this year seeing you squirm was an unexpected bonus. So thank you. Lacey: Aww. Oh, Karen, I'm sorry. Karen: For blabbing? No. Thank What took you so long? There was no job offer, but I needed Davis to think there was. But don't go blab that to Davis. Lacey: Oh, no. Davis: Hey, Lacey, thanks for the heads up about Karen. I appreciate the tip. Lacey: There's something I should tell you later. Hank: Hey, Lacey. Thanks. That was a real nice thing you did for Heather. It's too bad I gotta dump her. Lacey: Why would you dump her? Hank: It was better when she was all taboo and forbidden and no thrill if she's not from Wullerton. Oscar: Hey, Lacey, thanks a lot for blabbin' to Emma. Lacey: You're welcome. Oscar: I was being sarcastic. Lacey: So was I. Oscar: Oh. Lacey: You know, everyone thanked me for something tonight, except you. Brent: Do you wanna dance? Lacey: Sure. Brent: Thank you. Lacey: You're not much of a dancer, are you? Brent: Hah-hah, Lacey, you big fibber! Category:Transcripts